Mr. Irv works the door and is watching out for your safety.	Mr. Irv's Safety Patrol
	As a public service Sparksplug presents Mr. Irv's Safety Patrol. A few friendly reminders to assure you a safe night out.
	1. Leave your weapons at home. (i.e.: guns, knives, grenades, etc.) 2. Always have a designated driver if you are going to be drinking and driving. If you are convicted of D.U.I. in Kentucky your first offense will cost you your license for 90 days, require you to pay a huge fine, require you to go to traffic school, and cause an unbelievable increase in your car insurance rates.
One small mistake can really screw things up.	3. Don't get into any fights. Doing so may cause you to not be invited back or even a trip to jail. 4. Don't use fake I.D.s. They will be confiscated and not returned. 5. If you're going to drive drunk, DON'T. Being an alcoholic is one thing, screwing up other peoples lives is just inconsiderate. 6. Always practice safe sex. (i.e.: use a condom.) 7. Don't abuse your liver. (The transplant waiting list is already very long.) 8. Always keep your cool baby.

MR. IRV'S FRIENDS CONTENTS